Wednesday, December 17, 2008
should i be happy?
for all my besties to be so busy engaging in their own programmes of their own interest?
should i be unhappy?
that this whole year whenever there are big celebrations, events, or days that i wish they are there, but was taught that wishes dont come true?
no, i shouldnt be unhappy.
i cant afford to be unhappy.
at least now i dont wish anymore,
wishes never come true.
at least now i dont hope anymore,
for the amount of hopes you pinned, the same amount of disappointment you receive.
at least now i dont cry anymore,
yes, i do whine.
i still feel the same kind of upset,
the same kind of disappointment,
the same kind of abandoned feeling.
but its alright.
im trying to adapt, trying hard.
glad that im not immune though;
for i still am able to express my thoughts, my emotions.
at least now i dont blame anymore,
i realised it just doesnt matter,
what have i to blame? (:
at least i still have them by my side,
probably i expected too much from them,
all along i have high expectations on the people i care for, or are dear to me.
unknowningly imposing stress on them.
i have to learn to be independent,
or to be immune.
im glad that it seems like no one read my blog anymore.
because these thoughts are shameful,
made me feel so useless.
then, why post?
because im going crazy.
its too overwhelming.
for all my besties to be so busy engaging in their own programmes of their own interest?
should i be unhappy?
that this whole year whenever there are big celebrations, events, or days that i wish they are there, but was taught that wishes dont come true?
no, i shouldnt be unhappy.
i cant afford to be unhappy.
at least now i dont wish anymore,
wishes never come true.
at least now i dont hope anymore,
for the amount of hopes you pinned, the same amount of disappointment you receive.
at least now i dont cry anymore,
yes, i do whine.
i still feel the same kind of upset,
the same kind of disappointment,
the same kind of abandoned feeling.
but its alright.
im trying to adapt, trying hard.
glad that im not immune though;
for i still am able to express my thoughts, my emotions.
at least now i dont blame anymore,
i realised it just doesnt matter,
what have i to blame? (:
at least i still have them by my side,
probably i expected too much from them,
all along i have high expectations on the people i care for, or are dear to me.
unknowningly imposing stress on them.
i have to learn to be independent,
or to be immune.
im glad that it seems like no one read my blog anymore.
because these thoughts are shameful,
made me feel so useless.
then, why post?
because im going crazy.
its too overwhelming.
what we could have been, 10:27 PM.
